


Who Am I?

by Somebodys_No_One



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 05:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somebodys_No_One/pseuds/Somebodys_No_One
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are Karkat and you don't know who you are</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Am I?

You are now Karkat Vantas and you hate red. The color is bright and annoying and it reminds you of your blood and Dave, who with his God Tier outfit is like a fucking stop sign. At least that what you tell yourself because there is no way in hell that you are flushing for him. At least you hope so. You try to stay away from everyone else because they are both sucking face and chewing tongues; or Strider and neither of them is a good option. 

So that's how late one night you're alone in your block, watching some romcom, but it's been playing for a good day now so you can't say you're paying attention anymore. There's a knock at the door and you sigh, flipping the movie off and face-planting into the pillows, giving a muffled groan of a response. "What?"

Dave's on the other side of the door you just know it. "Vantas?"

"What?" You snap lifting your head and trying to sound very irritated, however you can already feel the blood rush to your face and your heart thumps loudly in your ears. 

The door's lock jiggles as Dave forces the lock glancing at your block.

It's messy and disorganized, movie cases and blankets on the floor. You're pretty fucking sure you don't look too much better. You haven't bothered with food all day and don't remember the last time you bothered to brush your hair.

You look awful and you're not sure why it bothers you so damn much. The thought of how you look to him is almost enough to send s heavy blush to your face, but you push it back with an unattractive scowl. 

His lips twitch as if he is fighting back a slight smile and nods at you. "I thought," he said nonchalantly, "that you might be in trouble, even Rose and Kanaya noticed you were gone."

You shrug trying to fight your instincts. "I'm fine." You pause, pulling your feet to your chest. You feel confused and sad, like shit, actually and right now you want a hug. But the only other person here right now is Strider. It's all Strider's fault. You're not sure what you want from him. You want him to go away and be an ironic asshole coolkid to someone else. But you also want him to be the one that wraps his arms around you. You want him to put his head on your shoulder. You want him to lean over your shoulder and let you remove his shades. You want to unmask his eyes and stare deeply. You want to lean back and push his face into-

"Vantas!" Dave sounds frustrated.

You blink several times in confusion, clearing your mind of thoughts and flush hot red when you realize that you were staring. You turn slightly pink and duck your head. "Sorry, sorry," You mumble a little, not sure why you were apologizing but it seemed right in a way.

Dave looks surprised, but repeats himself. "Vantas," his voice is softer and appears to your mind, gentle. "You seem flushed, are you sure you're okay?" Without warning he stands and stretches, crossing your room in quick even strides. He plops down next to you and places a cool hand on your forehead. 

He's so close and you're struck with a desire to lean forward and kiss him, but you don't, leaning back, trying to get away. "N-no," you shake your head, voice trembling. 

He doesn't buy it and closes the little distance you managed to make between you. 

You frown, eyes squeezing shut as you try to control your racing thinkpan. Nothing is clear, you don't understand at all, but your mind and body agree on one thing. You want to kiss Strider. Something clicks in your mind and you lunge forward, closing the short distance and smashing your lips against his. 

He doesn't kiss back at first, remaining still, you freeze, suddenly ashamed. Your face tints pink and you try to pull back only to find you can't.

Dave is gripping your wrist hard and you can hardly think. He wants you there? He kisses back biting your lower lip and even though his teeth are not sharp enough to do anything you open your mouth to him anyway. You wrestle with his tongue, pushing and biting. You're not sure where he fucking fits and if it's black or red, but oh my God, you don't give a flying fuck. 

You land on top of him hard and disconnect your lips to breathe. 

Dave smiles at you and you run your fingers through his hair. You're breathing heavily and your head is resting in his chest listening to the steady bearing of his heart. 

Dave's accent thickens a little as he speaks, voice slightly muffled. "What was that for Karkles?"

You scowl at his nickname, but your blush deepens. "What do you like, fuckass? I wanted to kiss you," you snap a little, trying to get your composer back.

"That's what I thought," Dave reaches up lazily and plays with your hair, he seems unbothered by your moodiness. You decide you like that about him.

"So," Your voice comes out as a squeak, unsure of what you're about to ask despite what just happened. Because to honest to yourself (and only yourself) you're fucking terrified. You start to wonder if it was just Dave being an annoying coolkid. Maybe he doesn't really care for you, maybe he just wanted an excuse to shove his tongue down your protein chute. The more you think about it, the more you convince yourself that's it. You shiver in his arms, saddened a bit, but unwilling to ask. No, you weren't going to have your heart stomped all over again, never. 

Dave seems to notice you have fallen silent. He frowns, tugging on your hair. "What Kitty?" He seems tired, sleepy even.

You give a small shake of your head, biting your lower lip. "It's nothing." 

Dave gives a light sigh, blowing on your hair. His breathing steadies as he falls asleep.

Your eyes blink slowly as you hold back tears. You try to wiggle free of his embrace, but it's tight, too tight and you can't. You feel used and ugly. An ugly, used, candy red blood mutant. That's all you'll ever be to the other trolls. And to the humans, you'll just be a foul mouthed crab. And the tears coursing down your face, that proves it. You will never be normal, you will never be loved. 

Dave's grip on you tightens as if he knew what you were thinking, but he was asleep. 

You stifle the last of your tears, swallowing thickly. You try vainly to steady your breathing. 

He shifts in his sleep, letting you go. 

You nearly jump out of his embrace, caught between an odd position of grateful relief and waiting to crawl right back into his arms.

You look around for a moment, locating and taking the knife from your bedside table. 

You stare down at it, faintly disgusted by what you're about to do. You stand and go to the other room.

The door shuts behind you and you lock it firmly, dropping to the floor you draw your legs up to your chest and pinch at your skin, letting the blade glide.

It stung a little, but in a bitter weird way. You press down and watch the bubbles of red blood. You lift your arm, watching it drip in a way that was not exactly nice, but captivating.

Another deep slag and bow it curled and dripped down your arm. You pull it closer careful of the falling color. Another and another, each slightly longer and deeper than the last. 

The pain was sharp, stinging and icy, coldness spreading over your body in waves. 

You know you should stop, this isn't helping anyone. But you make last deep slash watching the river of red. 

Too late you realize the cut is too long and too deep. Too late you realize the blood is falling too fast. 

You stumble up trying to open the door, growing as black spots dance in your eyes. The room spins and in one last feeble attempt you knock on the door. Your legs give out and you crash to the tile floor. Your eyelids feel heavy, your head feels like it's floating and with a protesting gasp, pass out; the last thing you manage to see is red and pale, bare feet.

When you awake, you're under blankets, you can't move your feet under the pressure and your wrists are wrapped in enough white gaze to TP a house. 

You glance over and see Dave in a chair next to your bed. His glasses are still on and you're tempted to lean over and take them off, but your body protests too much. Your body falls forward and for an annoying, embarrassing second you think you're going to face-plant the floor.

Two seconds from said face-plant you feel a strong arm around your waist pulling you back up. They settle themselves back onto the bed, pulling you onto their lap.

Your face flushes, it's Dave, you just know it. You snuggle against him, suddenly too tired to fight him or your feelings and turn, your face burning as you settle into his chest.

He chuckles, patting you, and leans down to press a kiss to your head. 

Something breaks inside and suddenly you're crying all over him; gasping out between sobs. "D-Dave. . . Who am I?"

He pauses thinking for a moment. "You're Karkat Vantas; otherwise known as Karkitty, Kitkat or Karkles, you're a Knight of Blood. But most importantly you're mine." He turns you around quickly. He reaches up, pulling his shades off dropping them on the bedside table. 

Dave's red eyes shine back at you, he seems to be asking a silent question, but the only thing you can think of his eyes are red, like yours will be soon. You lean forward and kiss him deeply.

You are Karkat Vantas and you don't hate red, red like Dave's eyes. You're still not sure who you are, but you guess that's okay. As long as you are always his.


End file.
